So 2010 is almost behind us and 2011 is  a few days away.  We are surrounded by newspaper articles, magazines and news programs attempting to focus our attention on New Year’s resolutions.  What will we change?  Will we lose weight? Change jobs? Get more sleep?  Spend less and save more?  Year after year, it is the same ritual.  Oscar Wilde once said, “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”  While New Year’s resolutions are well intended, they often develop out of  feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, or failure from the previous year.  What do I need to change to be skinnier, richer, nicer, more “popular?”

 

Based on the tenets of Positive Psychology, I have chosen, and am recommending to each of you, a different approach.  Instead of looking back at 2010 to find what we want to change or improve, let’s reflect back in search of our BEST moments.  Although the disappointments and challenges this past year may come to mind first, it is more constructive to uncover and acknowledge our positive relationships, experiences and/or achievements.  Personally, my best moments include:  my loving relationship with my husband through an emotional year of job changes,  meaningful work with my clients as they achieved personal goals and overcame challenges, remaining calm and optimistic as  my two daughters each prepare to graduate and  move on to a yet-to-be-determined university and grad school,  not overreacting in response to an emotional phone call from my son on a particularly stressful night, creating new traditions with my wonderful friends, and being a “sounding board” (her words) for my 94 year old grandmother. There...I just created a highlight reel.  That may sound like a pretty self-indulgent exercise and you are probably wondering how it will lead to personal growth in the coming year.  After all, wasn’t I taught to learn from my mistakes?  

 

In reality however, we learn and accomplish more from a position of strength than we do focusing on missteps.  When we are able to identify what we have done well, we are setting the ground work for future growth.   By recognizing our accomplishments, large or small, we draw attention to our values, strengths, and personal vision of our best selves.   Reviewing my highlight reel, I notice that relationships are paramount to my happiness – each item on my list includes another person.  I also notice that I am most proud of the times when I am a good listener and a calm voice of reason.  As I look to 2011, I will strive to be available to others as a source of strength, comfort and positive energy. 

 

So take a few moments and create your 2010 highlight reel.  Can you find a constant theme?  An overriding set of values?  Think about what personal strengths you possess that allowed for your most meaningful moments and past successes.  What makes you feel healthy, balanced and alive?  Create your 2010 highlight reel because that is where you are going in 2011.  When you move in the direction of your best moments, you create more of them.  Be well.

So often we react instinctively, robotically, and habitually to the events and people that we encounter each day.  We glance down at our plate and think, “Did I really eat all of that?”  We rush away from a brief encounter with a friend and ask ourselves, “What did she say?”   We order our favorite meal at a restaurant and suddenly realize that we are not that hungry!

We go through many of our days on automatic, with lengthy to-do lists, taking little notice of the people or routine experiences of each day.  “The squeaky wheel gets the grease” and the rest goes virtually unnoticed.  Yet, there is so much to appreciate.  Perhaps it’s a beautiful sunrise or sunset, a helpful stranger, a friendly hug, a warm meal.  Recognizing and embracing these every day events takes no additional time or money.  Yes, you can add measurable joy and connection to each day for FREE! 

 Life is, in essence, a series of small events and brief encounters.  Can you imagine how much fuller your life will become when you learn to embrace and celebrate these?  Instead of quickly saying, “hi, how are you?” meaning it and really waiting for an honest reply. 

 This is appreciative mindfulness.  It’s almost like a scavenger hunt for the beauty and meaning in each moment. It is about embracing the people and experiences in front of us at any given time. Mindfulness is an acquired skill.  It must be practiced and intentional. As you learn to become more mindful in your thoughts and your actions, your life takes on new meaning. 

 I have studied mindfulness for years and continue to practice it today (“practice” is the key word!) but I have added a personal twist.  Not only do I aim to be mindful, I aim to be appreciatively mindful.  Not only do I want to be present and keenly aware of the moment, I want to find and appreciate its uniqueness, beauty, and meaning.  Be well.

 

Everyone remembers the anticipation of the first day of school-- clean notebooks, fresh pens and pencils, perhaps a new backpack or pair of shoes.  The nervous excitement of new teachers and new classmates. So many opportunities and possibilities – so many choices and yet, so much work! 

 

Each year we say that this year will be different.  While our children promise to pay better attention in class, study harder, and be a better friend; parents have their own promises:  be more patient, stress less, cook more. Then we all wake up and it’s…the second day of school!  There is just too much to do and too little time.  While the school year has just begun, the kids and the parents alike feel overwhelmed and exhausted.   In truth, life’s demands are often overwhelming! The best of intentions, lacking a clear roadmap, will be lost. 

 

But, this year can be different! Imagine how amazing a less chaotic, more balanced household would look, feel, and sound.   This year, you and your children can each be more organized, less stressed and retain more control over your day-to-day choices.  You can create time to enjoy your individual and collective pursuits and to work and live healthfully. Life is not perfectly scripted but with a clear focus, you are able to deal more effectively with the unexpected and continue on your desired path.  By embarking on a series of small, measurable changes, you can realize your vision and your children can too.

 

Call or email me for a free consultation and we can discuss how I can best help you to achieve the balanced and peaceful home that you envision for yourself and for those you love.  Be well.

It’s hard to remember the relatively cold winter that we had this year, nor the beautiful wildflower covered spring. After all, we are now in the midst of the dog days of summer!  After a winter of cold hands and chapped lips, we welcomed spring with open arms.  The spring season served as a beautiful, yet often hectic, precursor to summer.  Summer arrives with the promise of slower days, sunshine and a time to reconnect with family and friends.  Seasons come and seasons go, each with its own identity and promise. 

Welcome to August:  brutal heat and long days.  Time to cram in those last summer activities before school resumes and routines return.  What’s left on your to-do list?  A weekend get-away?  One last pool party or cookout?  Or perhaps, you’re done!  Maybe you crave the return to routine. While the freedom of vacation is a wonderful and necessary time to slow down the pace and recharge, there is something about waking up to your morning alarm, feeding your pets, getting the paper, making the coffee, or whatever defines your personal routine. Why is it that routine can actually feel good? Routines provide structure, familiarity, and a sense of calm.  Routines allow us a better opportunity to plan quiet time, a workout, or an earlier bedtime.  While routines set certain limitations, they also allow for better planning and oftentimes a more productive and fulfilling day.  Perhaps the structure of the rest of the year provides the perfect counter balance to the freedom of summer. 

 As you take in the last couple of weeks of summer sun and begin to anticipate the return to school, football, and yes, traffic, it is a good time to begin to think about your fall routine.  What does my ideal week look like?  What time will I wake up?  What time will I go to sleep? When and how much will I work? When will I exercise, grocery shop, and cook?  When will I enjoy quiet time? Social time? Should I take a class?  Read a book?  As you consider these questions, do so with a focus on “balance.”  For example, while work, family time, and exercise are each important aspects of our lives, too much or too little of any of these create imbalance.  As we all know, when our lives are out of balance we have less energy, we are less productive, and we feel more stressed.  We feel overwhelmed by that which is sucking too much of our time and feel deprived by that which we are missing.  By spending some time examining and perhaps restructuring your routine, you can create a more peaceful, comfortable and balanced life.  Be well. 

 

As a young child one of the first things we hear is “be responsible.”  Be responsible and pick up your toys - Be responsible and watch your little sister. Be responsible and do your homework. Be responsible and make your lunch. In essence :  LIVE RESPONSIBLY. 

 Each person interprets that phrase a little differently. During a recent session, one of my very astute and introspective clients pointed out that living healthfully was not only important for her, it was her responsibility.   After all, so many others are counting on her.  WOW!  Now that’s a thought that turns the lights on!  When you go for a walk, go to yoga, go for a swim, or take the stairs, you’re living responsibly.  When you regularly choose foods that are not laden with empty calories, processed sugars, and saturated fat, you are being responsible.  If you do not drink excessively or smoke…. I could go one and on!  In essence, if you choose a lifestyle that lengthens your life and increases your viability, your energy level, and your mood, you are being responsible not only to yourself but to the countless others who rely on you.  

Each of us understands the importance of living responsibly. We live that way and we expect others to do the same. Now, we take our responsible living one step further to include our personal wellness. Our actions and the actions of others are interconnected and thus create a ripple effect.  When we make healthful choices, we are more likely to greet each day with energy, positivity, (I like that word, even if it isn’t a word!) and optimism.  It has been scientifically proven that energy begets more energy, positivity begets more positivity, and optimism begets more optimism. When we live well, we become more available physically, mentally and emotionally and live up to our personal responsibilities to our work, families, friends and community.  Be well.

 

Be a little selfish.  That’s right, you heard me—be a little selfish!  The definition of “selfish” is pretty ugly:  concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself, arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others.  No wonder we would never want to be described as “selfish!”   As a matter of fact, most of us spend our lives convincing others  (and especially ourselves) that we are anything but “selfish.”  So why am I telling you to “be a little selfish?”  What if I told you that being selfish is sometimes the least selfish thing that you can do?

 Many of us torn between home, work, children, spouses, friends, volunteer work, etc., find ourselves literally wiped out.  While we go through the motions of many roles and responsibilities, we find ourselves depleted  and unable to appreciate the significance of the moments or the people that we encounter each day.  By taking the time to ask ourselves, “what do I need?” we are actually benefiting more than merely ourselves.  By discovering, recognizing, and understanding what is best for ourselves we create the energy, patience, and emotional availability to be there for others.

 Take a moment to consider what is missing from your daily life—a few quiet moments each morning or evening, an afternoon walk, bike ride, or workout, an evening with friends or time to read a book that has been sitting on your nightstand. What gives you energy, peace, pride, or satisfaction?

 Set time aside each day to be a little selfish.  Renewed energy and focus will be the byproduct, creating a path to open communication, more patience, a higher level of creativity, increased productivity, and a more positive attitude.  This renewal is personal but it has widespread implications as you embrace the moments and the people around you.  Who can call that “selfish?”   Be well.

 

As we embark on summer, remember:  it’s the small things. 

 

The little changes.  Taking the stairs, walking the dog, stretching, ordering brown rice instead of white.  It’s treating yourself as your best friend.  Treating your body as you would your most prized possession – after all, it is.  Taking the time to sit outside and appreciate a beautiful sunrise or sunset. Reading. Creating. Thinking.  Breathing.

 

Don’t forget to connect.  Connect with yourself and connect with those around you.  By taking better care of ourselves, we accept, love and appreciate ourselves, allowing greater connection with others.  Our friends and family give us energy but we must be open and available to them. We must accept ourselves and our shortcomings so that we can accept their imperfections, as well.  When we allow ourselves to be imperfect and authentic with others, we allow for real intimacy and relationship.

 

Close your eyes and give yourself a couple of minutes to set a few goals for the summer.  Is there a book that you would like to read?  A new class that you want to try?  An outing with friends?  A weekend get away?  A more peaceful mindset?  What’s important to you now?  As the summer approaches and life hopefully slows down a bit, remember:  it’s the small things.  Be well.

 

During the past several months, my client base, my clients, and I have all grown (metaphorically  J).  We have sat together, week-by-week, as they have made wonderful discoveries about themselves.  They have experienced “Ah-ha” moments of clarity; defining moments that lead to real wisdom.  These moments have taken many different forms and often end with’ “hmmm, I never thought of it that way before before”. 

Some of these have been:

“Exercise gives me energy”

“I am doing more of what I want to do and less of what I think others expect for me to   do”

“I am more present in what I am doing”

“I am spending more time with my friends and really enjoying the connection”

“I am not trying to do everything at once, just piece by piece”

“ I feel more in control”

“I am more purposeful”

“This is my life. I am going to do it. It is for me!”

 

As a Wellness Coach with a counseling background I am trained to help clients to create a discrepancy between where they currently are and their vision of where they would like to be. I have studied, read and practiced for years to do this effectively.  While I knew that helping others to create their “best selves” and to live more balanced lives would yield a great deal of satisfaction and intrinsic rewards, my “Ah-ha” moment has come from what I didn’t anticipate.

 

I have come to realize that my client relationships are a circular equation: they are indeed symbiotic relationships. While I am working to help them, they are inspiring me!  While I am striving to open their minds to new possibilities, they are opening mine!  Just when I feel that I am living mindfully and thoughtfully, they show me what that really means!  Their courage, dedication and willingness to look honestly at themselves, and to change what is not working for them, is awe provoking and contagious!

 

Thank you for inspiring me everyday and for filling my life with the awesome energy of, “Ah-ha”!! 

Be well.

What is the key to long term behavior change?  How do we achieve and sustain the goals that we set?  This morning, I had a particularly difficult run.  My previous run had not been easy either.  My legs were tight, my energy was low – it was just not happening for me.  I didn’t quit and go home but I didn’t  “grit my teeth, suck it up and push through it” either.  So I just stopped running and began to walk.  “I let myself off the hook”.  Every once in a while, I would jog to the nearest stop sign or driveway or mailbox.  It was not a good run but it was where I was today.  At the end, when I was taking my last short jog, my legs suddenly loosened up and I ran home unencumbered and feeling good.  Reflecting on that run and the difficult one the day before, I realized why the runs had ended so much better than they had begun.

 

 So, what is the key to long term behavior change?  How do we achieve and sustain the goals that we set?  Two words:  patience and persistence.  I had been patient with myself and with my lousy “performance” yet I had been persistent enough to ultimately reap some rewards. 

 

Whether on the road to achieving our goals, or focused on maintaining them, we will have setbacks and challenges.  We will have lapses.  However, when we allow ourselves to “fall out of line” or to “miss a workout” or “eat more than we planned”, we are not failing. We are being patient.  When we dust ourselves off, refocus and proceed as planned, we have not “won” the game, but we are demonstrating persistence. 

 

Today I met with two clients who each shared stories very much like my own.  One had missed a workout, “forgiven herself” and proceeded to workout as planned the rest of the week.  Another had “indulged” by sleeping in particularly late one Saturday morning and not making it to the gym.  Rather than thinking they had not lived up to the promises they made to themselves, both of these clients reported feeling a true sense of balance. They focused much more on their successes of the week than on their minor detour.

 

We are not robots.  Wellness is not about a strict diet and exercise plan, void of deviations.  Wellness is about balance.  By being patient with ourselves,  we allow ourselves to be human. When we persist, despite the slip up, let down, or planned lapse, we demonstrate respect for ourselves, for our mission, and ultimately for our wellness vision.  Be well.

 

Early in the game, the Saints are down 7-3 and facing a fourth and goal.  Most in that position, so early in the game, would have chosen to take the, all but certain, 3-point field goal and move on.  But New Orleans’ head coach, Sean Payton, chose to “GO FOR IT”!  The Colts defense proved impenetrable and the Saints had to give the ball up with no points on the board.  For some, that would have sent a message.  For some it would have said, “play it safe”; “take less risks”.  But the Saints were not deterred.  They boldly began the second half with an onsides kick and drove the ball for their first Super bowl touchdown in franchise history.  Later, with under six minutes left in the game, the Saints “GO FOR IT” with a two point conversion, giving them a seven point versus six point lead.  As we all know, they went on to win their first ever Super Bowl against a team that, at least on paper, should have beaten them handily!

Sean Payton’s calls reflected his confidence in his team.  As the players were interviewed after the game, player after player said that they believed in themselves, their team, their ability to win.  Sean Payton and the Saints took risks - calculated risks based on their past successes and on their personal and collective strengths.  They didn’t wait for the game to “play itself out”; they went for it! When they missed their one yard touchdown attempt in the first half, they saw it as a mere bump in the road; it did not impair their confidence or send them off course. While this was a bigger stage and a loftier goal than previous games, they knew they had the skills to pull off a successful onsides kick, a two point conversion and a 47 yard field goal.

Research has proven that people who focus on their strengths are happier, more productive and more successful.  Vicarious learning is real and success breeds further success.  Now it’s your turn to identify your strengths, leave your self-doubt at the back door and GO FOR IT!  And if “GOING FOR IT” doesn’t get you there the first time, then don’t give up on the concept….GO FOR IT again and again and again until you get where you want to be.   Be well.

Skimming through the current edition of my UT McCombs School of Business magazine, I came across an article that referenced a NIKE commercial that had starred Michael Jordan at the peak of his career:  "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I've lost almost 300 games.  Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot - and missed.  I've failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed."  

Fear of failure is what stifles so many into complacency. Fear of failure leaves us dreaming, not doing.  Fear of failure leaves us asking, "what if..." or saying, "I could have….”.  In coaching, we refer to that as being “stuck in the muck”. 

So many of us find ourselves “stuck in the muck” as we struggle with life transitions, have difficulty finding the time and energy to take care of ourselves, and let the hours and days pass without challenging the status quo. What is it that you have been wanting to do?  What passion lies deep beneath your surface?  What is holding you back?  

It is time to stop dreaming.  It is time to start doing!

Shari Fish Wellness will help you out of the muck!  Be well.

On a flight home from a business trip last week, my husband sat next to a couple that appeared to be in their late 50’s.  He told me they were holding hands, hugging, kissing, and generally acting like they were in high school.  He couldn’t help but overhear part of their conversation, which made it evident that they had only known each other a very short time. 

 

After overcoming his initial reaction of “they are too old to act that way!” he thought how nice it was that some things don’t change.  The basic human need for affection, companionship, and the promise of a future with someone don’t go away.  So true.

 

We are the same people that we have always been, with the same human needs for love, acceptance and companionship.  We can still be moved by great music, excited by a new experience and open to new relationships.  We can still discover, dream, design and ultimately create our destiny. It is up to each of us to keep our eyes open, to keep our minds open and most of all, to keep our hearts open.  However to facilitate this, we must first take care of ourselves.  The better we feel both mentally and physically, the more likely we are to recognize the beauty and opportunities in front of us, whether they be in the form of an amazing sunset, a brilliant idea, or in this case, a fascinating new person.  Be well.

Soooo, our flight was delayed, there was road construction in LA and we missed most of the much anticipated LA Cool party that we were looking so forward to attending.  Our beloved Colt Mc Coy was injured on his 5th play of the game, my husband was threatened by a belligerent fan sitting nearby and our Longhorns lost the National Championship.  Yet, I will always remember those 36 hours as some of our family's most memorable. It is all still so fresh even though we've already been home for four work-filled days.  However upon reflection, I don't think about any of the inconveniences or disappointments that I mentioned above, all that comes to mind are the moments of excitement, anticipation, friendship, camaraderie, pagentry, love, tradition and pride.  

What a ride! 

Martin Seligman, Ph.D. suggests three components of a person's positive subjective experience that account for his or her happiness experience.  These areas are: pleasure, engagement and meaning.

Pleasure can be thought of as the feelings experienced while eating a fresh baked (chocolate chip, for me please) cookie.

Engagement involves the depth of participation and interest in one's work, hobbies, sports, or relationships.

Meaning is the deepest involvement including serving some larger than life cause.  It can be a spiritual connection, a simple act of goodness or, perhaps a philanthropic commitment.  

These three components are not equally powerful, however.  Happiness derived from eating an ice cream cone is fleeting.  Furthermore, such happiness is often followed by feelings of guilt and self-indulgence.  Authentic happiness can be derived from engagement in purposeful, challenging or interesting activities - especially when that engagement is shared with others.   So too, meaningful activities that propel us to think outside ourselves and look to the "greater good" have proven to be a great source of  lasting happiness: i.e. prayer, meditation, and philanthropy.  

So my take away from all this:  Engage yourself in challenging, interesting, and invigorating activities. Allow for meaningful moments.  And yes, enjoy that occassional, fleeting, chocolate chip cookie!  Be well (and happy).

As the year draws to a close, and you reflect back on "what happened in 2009," I challenge you to take your thoughts a step or two further. Instead of asking, "what happened in '09," ask yourself, "what did I do well this year?"  "What personal strengths did I draw on and who supported me in my efforts?" These experiences and successes are yours, large or small!  Cultivate them and use them to help you experience more personal victories in the coming year.